Keys - Lost Forever!?!

As we reach the end of 2008 I thought I'd share with you all a dreadful 10 minute experience that I suffered back in the summer. The following series of events took place at the wonderful Farmer Palmer's Farm Park in Dorset. There's a lesson to be learnt here…

After going on their tractor trailer ride (new tractor since our last visit - price has doubled to a pound - hard times!) we got off for me to discover to my horror that I no longer had my keys in my pocket. The feeling of initial amusement quickly changed to sheer terror and dread as I began to think "how the hell am I going to do, well, anything!".

So, my 2 year old daughter and wife went off to stroke some Guinea Pigs and I went running back to the tractor. I inspect the tractor - no keys - dread changes to panic. I go off on a quest around the whole of the tractor "course" with my eyes peeled. Panic changes to depression as I see all the massive muddy puddles about 2 feet deep and think to myself, "Why? Why? Why was I so lazy? Why didn't I put them all in my wife's bag? Why do I carry all my keys around with me - even the one for the garden shed at home?".

I arrive back at the tractor sans keys. My shoes are wet through. My new jeans are covered in mud. My face is long. I go back to the tractor for one last hopeful inspection - fingers crossed. And then, what do I see. I see a glint from a dark corner of the trailer as the sun rebounds off a metallic object (not quite true - there was no sun!). I approach with hope but pessimism and as I get closer it becomes clear that they ARE keys. They're really close and I begin to think, "What if there some other idiot's?". I finally get to them and inspect them. They are mine. Depression turns to relief and then to euphoria.

I walk back to meet my wife but I am greeted by a woman with an ice cream. She says, "Bet your relieved dear?". She's been watching all along. "Thanks for the help!" I think but I'm not that bothered I'm buzzing with too much adrenalin to be bothered. I agree with the lady and walk back to meet my wife, daughter and a furry animal.

So what lesson can we all learn from this kiddies?

Amazon Packaging

Why oh why Amazon did you decide to send me a Tomy Aqua Draw Deluxe in such an unecessarily oversized box?


Normally, you're so good. Must've been a minor glitch in the matrix. I hope.

Duck Obesity - Here it Comes!

I have just returned from my regular weekend walk around to the village pond with family to feed the ducks. It is normally a pleasant experience. We have two village ponds and plenty of ducks. However, today was a bit of an exception.

Whilst we were happily there throwing our carefully torn off bits of bread into pond #2 (the nicer one) we were witness to what I can only describe as a drive-by feeding incident.

A car pulled up by the pond and out stepped a woman with bag containing a whole loaf of sliced bread. In less than a minute she had thrown the entire contents of the bag into and around the pond. Great! 20 whole slices of bread for ducks to fight over. Within 2 minutes the car and woman were gone.

Doesn't this take all the fun out of the experience that is feeding the ducks? Not to mention the damage it does. I believe any bread not eaten by the ducks will sink to the bottom of the pond and form a polluting sludge.

Whinge over.

Dyson & iPhone Incompatability

I am the proud owner of an iPhone. I also own a Dyson vaccum cleaner (hey - I'm a proud owner of that too). I've recently come across an amusing incompatability with these two items.

Whilst merrily vacuuming away over the last couple of months I had found that all of a sudden my Dyson would stop working - it would simply turn off. I have now discovered that this is due to the weighty nature of the iPhone and the specific height of the dyson power switch. Oh, and of course the fact that I keep the phone in my left pocket and I'm quite short. Basically every now and again the weight of the phone is enough to push the power switch down.

Has anybody else experienced similar or is this as I suspect just me?

Right of Way

Perhaps somebody can help me out here? I'm a little unclear to myself who has the right of way in the following circumstance.

Two cars arrive at junctions with the same main road. They are almost opposite each other but it's not a crossroad as they're slightly offset from each other. One car is turning left onto the main road (not having the cross the road). The other car is turning right (having to cross the road). My gut feeling is that the car turning left has the right of way as they don't cross the road. Is this correct?

Too Literally?

Hmmmm, looks like somebody took my last post a little too seriously:

Or, perhaps it was just hit by a very heavy football?